One of my favorite working mom bloggers announced on Monday that she's leaving her job to be a stay-at-home-mom. This isn't the first working mom friend of mine who has done this. It's happened a lot over the last two years. Every time it happens, I'm very happy for them because I know that they're making a decision that will make their lives more bearable, but I'm also irrationally sad. I almost feel as though I'm losing a club member, a part of an exclusive clique of moms who are bound by the common thread of trying to balance work and family.
The reason is always along the lines of "it's just what's best for a family," or "I want to be the one raising my kid," or "it's where I belong." Then I start to wonder if there's something wrong with me, because I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I finally have a job that I love, doing something that has the potential to make a huge difference in the lives of thousands of people. I like working, I like the adult interaction, and I like the intellectual stimulation. Sure, I would love to work part-time or have a flex schedule, but we depend on my income so it's just not possible.
Most of the time I'm fine with that. Sometimes I'm not. When women that I've bonded with over that common thread start deserting their posts to be something that I don't really want to be, I start questioning myself and whether or not I'm "short-changing" my child, as it has been put to me by so many anti-working-mom idiots. If these well-educated, professional women truly believe that they're doing the best thing for their child, does that mean that I'm not? Will they judge me, now that they're on the "other side?" Is there something wrong with me because I don't want to stay at home?
I'm sure the answer to all of these questions is "no," but that certainly doesn't stop me from asking them.
I'm sure it has to be hard to hear things like that from people you used to be able to relate to better, ones who seem to understand.
ReplyDeleteWhy am I home? I could spout pretty phrases about my kids, but it boils down to how much I would make if I went back...and what I would have left over after daycare is not enough to justify it.
What's best for your child & your family is very personal to you all. What is best for one is not best for the other. For any myriad of reasons.
ReplyDeleteIf you love your job, and you working is working for your family, then try not to sweat it.
I hope I'm not one of the people that makes you feel bad. While I have my moments that I appreciate being a SAHM, most of the time, YOU are the one I envy.
ReplyDeleteIf I ever make comments in my posts/emails/whatever that make you uncomfortable, or just plain make you roll your eyes, please smack me right upside the head, because I would surely deserve it.
You are giving Charlie a wonderful childhood and if working and LIKING IT are part of that, then hold your head high and be proud.
I saw your comment on Elizabeth's Confessions blog (I went to jr. high and high school with her) and saw your comment about where you live. I live in the same city and am not dropping out of the WM club anytime soon. I love my job! The answer to all of your questions is no. What's right for one, or several women, isn't right for all women. I can't stand it when women judge other women over this issue.
ReplyDeleteI will be right there being a working mom with ya! There's no way I can SAH, and truthfully it's not anything I ever aspired to do. I like my job, and I honestly feel like I'm a better mom being a working mom. I don't think being a SAHM is for everyone. Sometimes I feel guilty or jealous about not being home with my son more, but it is what is, and more often than not I'm comfortable with my decision.
ReplyDeleteI am (sort of)in the same place as you. I am in graduate school and will have enough units to work in my field of choice come December but I feel guilty about wanting to really start my career because I can't see myself being a stay at home mom. I would return to the job I had prior to giving birth but I just wouldn't make enough to justify it post child care.
ReplyDeleteI am (sort of)in the same place as you. I am in graduate school and will have enough units to work in my field of choice come December but I feel guilty about wanting to really start my career because I can't see myself being a stay at home mom. I would return to the job I had prior to giving birth but I just wouldn't make enough to justify it post child care.
ReplyDeleteI saw your comment on Elizabeth's Confessions blog (I went to jr. high and high school with her) and saw your comment about where you live. I live in the same city and am not dropping out of the WM club anytime soon. I love my job! The answer to all of your questions is no. What's right for one, or several women, isn't right for all women. I can't stand it when women judge other women over this issue.
ReplyDelete