Monday, May 11, 2009


So I posted before about how baaaaaaaad the new NKOTB CD is, but I've noticed a few sets of lyrics that just strike me as either very very cheesy or very very wrong. I'll just share my thoughts on the whole thing.

As you can see from the cover, Donnie is the only one who has aged well. Must be that Whalberg thing. Danny still looks like a monkey, no surprise there. At least the hair has improved all around. Shall we refresh what the Fab 5 used to look like?

The cheese starts with the first track on the album, "Click, Click, Click." Good old Donnie D goes into this pseudo-rap session at the end, which opens with this classic line:

Click, click, click with my Nikon/ Click with my Sony. Girl I ain't no phony.

Really? Now that's just desperation for words that rhyme. Just leave out the funkiness altogether. Maybe they should have called on Marky Mark to come up with something a little more genuine.

I haven't found anything wrong with the second song, "Single." It's actually my favorite one on there. I also like "Summertime," if only for the tribute Joey Joe makes to the 1988 Jones Beach crowd. Kind of takes me back to the days of the Pepsi Magic Summer Tour (or was it Coke?). My BFF Erica got to go to that show, but I had already seen them once so I didn't get to tag along. The whole song smacks somewhat of LFO, but it's cute nonetheless.

Perhaps the most disturbing selections come from "Big Girl Now," track 3, featuring Lady Gaga (I have no clue who that is)

I'm big boy, you're a big girl now
I'm a big girl, you're a big boy now
I've been waiting too long for you to get naughty
Beat me, spank me daddy, come on, touch my body
They say that good things come to those who wait
Come take me on before it's too late

Really? That's just plain weird. Is this song written for the previously-underage fans from the early 90's?

That brings us to track 4 - "2 in the Morning." Nothing overtly awful about this one, either, but I find this line puzzling: Will this ever end? Girl, it's almost ten/ Gotta know if you're mad at me before Grey's Anatomy 'cause we could drag this out all night...

I've never seen Grey's Anatomy, but for some reason I'm not thinking it's a guy show. Am I wrong on that?

Keeping with the "look at me I'm all grown up" theme, these come from a song called, what else? "Grown man." Yo, check out Adidas band I don't even know what to do with this. What's an Adidas band? And again, this is just weird. I'm-a give you some grown man (hey)/I'm-a give you some grown man (oh)/ I'm-a give you some grown man.

Next up we have "Dirty Dancing." It's a catchy tune but I can't help but laugh at the chorus Oh, it's so crazy, she's like Baby, I'm like Swayze. It's also a walking contradiction when they start off talking about the "shorty" with the "leanest body," and then go on to describe the same as having "big 'ol hips" and "big 'ol thighs." So which is it? A lean body or a muffin top?

Track 8 provides another fine example of bad rhymes. It's like they were channeling Avril LaVigne or something. Really gotta concentrate and now we're gonna consummate/ So, lets conversate. Is that even a word? I'm certainly no prude, but I am a stickler for real words and proper grammar.

The last few songs on the album just seem like a random collection of tracks that didn't really fit anywhere else. I have a hard time forcing myself to listen anywhere beyond track 8. Track 9 is certainly "Twisted." Tell me where does it hurt/ Tell me where to kiss it. As they've reminded us numerous times thus far, we're all "grown up." So why spew this kind of infantile crap?

"Twisted" is followed by "Full Service," ostensibly a song written about how in New Jersey you don't have to get out of the car to pump your own gas. You ain't gotta do it yourself, baby/ I'm-a give you that full service, you'll see/ You ain't even gotta get out of your seat/ I'm-a give you that full service, you'll see.

"Lights, Camera, Action" is a little ditty about trying to convince your girlfriend that it's a great id to make a DIY adult movie. "Put it on my Tab" sounds like it could belong in the earlier (better) section of the album, until you hear this line - Hey Mr. Bartender, please make a pina colada/ Hold the alcohol, please/ And whatever baby girl, is sippin' on,/ You can tell her, drinks on me. You might initially think that they're requesting a pina colada for the chick at the bar, but then you learn that he's willing to pay for "whatever she's drinking," which means that the fruity beverage is actually for himself. Not only is he ordering a frou-frou drink, but he's ordering it without the alcohol. Finally (on the US album), we come to "Stare at You." Now that I think about it, I can't recall actually listening to this one.

Those lucky UK fans are treated to FIVE additional tracks. I haven't bothered to check them out online yet but I'll report back at some point.

All that being said, I still CAN'T FREAKING WAIT for the concert in June.

Memo Monday

Friday, May 1, 2009

Piggy Flu

It just sounds nicer to call it "Piggy Flu" than "Swine Flu" or H1N1.

Hearing about piggy flu is pretty much unavoidable. It's been one of the main topics of discussion on the message boards I frequent, all over Google News homepage, and what seems like every other story on MSNBC and CNN. Thankfully it hasn't crossed over to ESPN yet, but I'm sure it very well could. The online discussions mostly center around whether or not we should be worried about piggy flu.

The first piggy flu-related post was on Monday, asking if we should be worried about it now that there has been a confirmed case in Ohio. At the time, I said no, I'm not worried about it. Rational discussion followed.

On Wednesday - Oh Noes! WHO threat level went from a 4 to a 5! The sky is falling! This is where rational thought processes seemed to break down. Discussions turned from "should I be worried" to:

"What kind of facemasks should I buy?"

"What if they shut down the city? Will I be stuck at work?"

"It's a liberal conspiracy! They want to make sure what's-her-face gets confirmed as whatever-position-it-is so they're causing a health panic!"

and my personal favorite - "It is man-made (bio engineered), and is a conspiracy to bring the world to its knees. This flu is like part II of the Black Plaque: no cure and lots of deaths to come."

So because this is MY blog, I'm going to share MY thoughts just because I can. First of all, the only thing that a level 5 alert means is that "human-to-human spread of the virus into at least two countries in one WHO region, signaling that a pandemic is imminent".

Not that we shouldn't be paying attention to what's going on, but it's not like hundreds of people are suddenly being stricken dead. The "regular" flu also reaches pandemic proportions and kills hundreds of thousands of people, but you don't see people freaking out about that all the time.

I'm not saying to stick your head in the sand and pretend it's not happening, but am I about to go buy hospital masks for me and my family to wear? Not likely. Just use common sense - wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough, and I guess stay out of Mexico. I'm not worried about it AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME. Things could happen that would change my mind and cause me to rethink the situation, but to this point nothing has. That doesn't mean that I won't adjust my thinking accordingly when new information is released.

The other argument that's come up is that the health officials have "cried wolf" at other times (i.e. SARS, bird flu, etc) and that this is just another overreaction. I don't necessarily agree with this. I don't think these outbreaks were necessarily "crying wolf," same with the flu pandemic of 1956-57. I think these were (are?) legitimate threats, but the proper steps were taken and a crisis was avoided. Of course, it's nearly impossible to prove a non-event, but the data suggest that the inoculation program developed in the 1956 pandemic staved off the massive spreading and lethality of that flu strain. Same with bird flu, the precautions that were taken (e.g. quarantines, killing infected animals, travel restrictions, etc.) may have likely quashed the whole thing before it got out of hand. We also know that the bird flu strain didn't transmit easily from person to person, so we may have gotten lucky that no mutation occurred before we were able to put safety measures into place. Yes, there may have been some serious overreaction in all of those cases, but I wouldn't call it "crying wolf."


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