Tuesday, November 9, 2010

On Religion, Again, Sooner than I Expected (edited for clarity)

This post started off as a comment in response to a post on FireWife's blog. I thought about it and thought about it and then started writing. I initially wrote it as a direct response to her post, but then I kept thinking and I kept writing and then it was too long to be a blog comment and I decided that it deserved a post of its own. It's been a long time since I've written about religion, and it's top of mind right now with my new reading material, so here we go.

First, I suggest you go and read the post that inspired my rambling. It's important background. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Back now? Ok. This was the sticker that inspired her post.



FireWife says that she felt that this sticker was disrespectful. I'm not going to say that her feelings are invalid, because they're not. We're all entitled to feel disrespected or slighted or sad or upset by whatever we want. And yes, maybe the word "stupid" was taking it too far.

However, FireWife and I have gone round the block a few times about religion and marriage and gay marriage and a whole host of other topics. The most recent topic was about the role of god in a marriage. I believe that legal/social marriage and religious marriage are two different things. You can have one without the other. FireWife disagrees, and that's ok.

"I think, generally speaking, that especially marriage & family are very personal things, and what you do is what you do, and I don't believe that it is my place to challenge anyone's marital or familial status. Period. I do believe that marriage is between husband and wife and God. Whether you acknowledge Him or not."

I'm actually on board with what she's saying, until she gets to the part where she says "...marriage is between husband and wife and God. Whether you acknowledge Him or not." Where is the allowance for my belief that there is no god in this statement? Where is the allowance for people who believe in a different god, or many gods? How is that sticker any more disrespectful to the religious among us than your claim is to the non-religious? I personally find it disrespectful that people insist on inserting their god into everyone’s life, regardless of their belief system.

(Edit: I don't mean that I'm offended by the general prevalence of christianity in our everyday world. I'm not offended by nativity scenes, I'm not offended by "merry christmas" greetings, I'm not offended by people professing their faith. I'm not even offended by the "in god we trust" text on our monies. What does bother me is when people take the approach that I'm just being silly and misguided, that "of course" there's a god, and I just don't know it yet. The idea that I'll "come around to their perspective" at some point. In my eyes, that's being disrespectful of my own beliefs. I hope that clarifies my thinking on the subject.)

Firewife also mentions in her post that

"it's troubling because someone whose mind is that closed to the possibility of a higher power, well... it's just frustrating to see anyone's mind closed that tightly."

That's where I have to say that as a non-believer, heck, as a social liberal, religious (non-)belief aside, it's frustrating to see people's minds closed tightly to women's rights issues or gay rights issues and other social issues like that because a religion tells them that a certain behavior or way of life is wrong. The agnostics and atheists I know are some of the most intelligent and socially-conscious people I've ever met, I'm sure in part because they aren't limited to a particular view on things because of their religious mythology.

That's all fine and good that you know there's a god. Good for you, and good for everyone else who believes in a god. However, my own personal knowledge tells me that there is no god. I'm not one to argue this point with people. We're all entitled to our own beliefs (or lack thereof), and who am I to say that my belief is better than yours? That's part of what makes America "special," we're all free to believe (or disbelieve) as we see fit. I would never try to talk someone out of their religious beliefs or try to show them that it’s better for them not to believe in god. Unfortunately, in our society non-believers are rarely afforded the same respect.

Telling a believer that you don't believe in god is not the same as someone trying to tell you that a physical person doesn’t exist. The scientific method can tell us that the person does. Simple observational methods and reasoning can tell us that yes, that person exists. They are a living and breathing being. Science can’t prove that god does (or does not!) exist. That’s where faith comes in. If you have faith that there is a god, I'm happy for you. I’m happy for you that you have faith that your god exists and that your god is always present and that your god guides your life. However, I don’t share your faith. People of other faiths don’t share your faith. Who is anyone to say that their god is the only one true god and that everyone else is wrong?

If you believe that god exists, I don’t think you’re crazy for your faith and beliefs. If you’re crazy, then so is 90+% of the rest of the world, including family and friends who are very dear to me. Religion and gods serve a very important purpose in society. They always have, even before the dawn of Christianity. They always will, because people always need a community, they always need a belief structure, they always need security, they always need to have a way to explain the natural world around us. Religion can provide you with all of that.

But for some of us, we’re ok without that fancy stuff. We’re cool with scientific explanations and the idea that the natural world is just simple matter, explainable and quantifiable by experiments and logic. I’m the first person to admit that I wish I could give my son the neatly-wrapped package that is Heaven when he starts asking questions about death and dying. It would certainly be more comforting than to tell him “I don’t know what happens when we die.” The idea that our loved ones are peeking out from behind a cloud and that one day we’ll be reunited is tempting, for sure. But I know that I don’t really believe that, so I won’t perpetuate the myth – what I see as a very nice story.

I'm always interested in open and honest discussions about the topic, so long as you don't try to change my mind. I promise that I won't try to change yours.

12 comments:

  1. I was raised as a Southern Baptist, my husband raised Methodist, and at this point in our lives, I'm an Atheist and he's a Pantheist.

    I've had Christians - including a preacher - tell me that I'm a sinner, I'm going to hell, that my child (Calloway) is an abomination, that I've ruined his life because he'll one day look at our wedding photos and realize that I was pregnant. Since we were planning our wedding when I got pregnant, I'm not sure how that makes sense, but it's pretty difficult to reason with someone so stuck in their beliefs. I live in a town that's a mile long and has FIVE (!!) churches. One is across the street from my house. There's a Methodist church, a Southern Baptist church, a non-denom Christian church, a fire & brimstone Christian church, and a Hispanic guy turned an old gas station into a ... Christian church.

    Being religious/spiritual doesn't bother me. I think that a lot of people need the reassurance that there's life beyond death to make it through THIS life. But I can't respect a person that falls back to religion to cover their own bigotry. If a person is going to live by the Bible, then they need to live by the Bible, not just the parts that they like. That includes observing the Sabbath - how many people work on the weekends to put food on their family's table and call themselves Christians? What about showing love, compassion, kindness? And even though they're far out in left field - the Westboro Baptist Church morons with their 'God Hates Fags' signs and funeral protests ... they call themselves Christians, too. And they believe in what they do - which is fine, freedom of speech & all - but they're doing it under the banner of religion. It's SICK.

    I think I went off on a tangent.

    But yeah. Religion is not for me. It's not for everyone. But those of us that don't subscribe to a particular set of religious practices deserve just as much respect as those that do. I will teach my children to be kind and compassionate without the help of religious text. I don't need a book, or a man standing in a pulpit, to tell me how to live my life or raise my children.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I never discuss religion on my blog, but I will respond to articles about it that I see on other blogs. In doing so, I've had people write back saying that they were insulted or offended by what I said. And therein lies the problem of trying to convey your thoughts in written form. The message that you "intend" to get across isn't always how the reader perceives it. And I've had to write back to them trying to clarify my thoughts. But here goes, and hopefully it comes across as I intended it.

    You said that you find it disrespectful that people insist on inserting their god into everyone' life regardless of their belief system. And hopefully, I'm understanding your point here is that you don't like it when someone expesses their religious beliefs? I'm taking this to mean that you think people should keep their religious views to themselves? If that is what you mean by your statement, then we are talking about freedom of speech and freedom of the press.

    I might agree or disagree with your religious views, but either way, I have the right to talk about my religious views, AND to write about them. So, if I want to write a post on my blog about my views, that's my constitutional right to do so. Now granted, I understand that as my reader, you might disagree with what I wrote. But I don't think you should find it disrespectful, because it's my right to write about it. Let me tell you, that I frequently read articles on other blogs where I completely and totally disagree with the content. But, and I mean BUT, I don't feel insulted or offended or disrespected by it. Why? Because I recognize that it's their blog, and they can write about anything they want. And I know that when I express my views about anything, be it religion, politics, sports or whatever, someone is going to disagree with me. And I also know that they have several options when they read my content.....respond by comment, or don't respond at all. But I certainly don't take offense when I read something I don't like, and nor do I think my readers should feel insulted or disrespected when they read something that they don't agree with.

    After all, it's our constitutional right to express our views.

    So, hopefully I understood the "intent" of your statement that you feel disrespected when you see articles about the belief in God. My issue with what you say is not about any beliefs, but in the right of people to say and write about it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm not a staunch religious person; I do not attend church currently though I have off and on over the years. I do believe in God, though it is MY perception of God seen through my experiences and life -- not doctrine the church preaches. I think religions are sometimes exclusionary and negative, and that it is used as a weapon against others. It can also be a great comfort in times of despair and need.

    Everyone gets to choose their path, their beliefs and their faith. That said, I do not believe it is necessary for ANY of us to judge or call names because we don't believe what others do. I believe science can co-exist with faith. I do not believe it is necessary to remove all forms of faith (angels or the Cross) from public venues because it might "offend" someone. Tolerance goes both ways. I am tolerant that you think God does not exist. You are tolerant that I think He does.

    I wish, so very much, that everyone could live and let live. I don't understand why nativity scenes make people angry. I don't understand why wishing someone a Merry Christmas is bad. I have friends of various religions, and friends who are agnostic and atheists, and that is a good thing -- because I think we are all closer in our core beliefs than any of us might know. We all want good ice cream, sunny days, happy lives and love. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. You definitely took on a heavy topic. I am a Christian, and sometimes the problem that I have is that I get lumped in with "all" Christians, when, really, all it is is that we have the common belief that Jesus is God's son and it is through him that we are saved.

    But, try to find an entire group of believers who all believe the same thing about the rest of it...and it doesn't happen.

    I don't ever see the point of being hateful towards one another(just talking in general here) b/c that doesn't ever help prove any sort of point.

    I do get offended when I am called out for my beliefs, like being told that I am stupid for believing. But, it's also b/c I don't call others out for believing differently than I do.

    If I can practice tolerance, then I want the same thing in return.

    I think you just expressed what you believe(or don't) and everyone has the right to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jene, thank you for posting this and being willing to take on a hard topic. Disclaimer: I'm an agnostic.

    Once upon a time I was atheistic, but once I discovered there was a category for "I don't know wtf happens after I die, and I'll entertain the idea that you're right as much as anyone might be, but I don't intend to change my life to suit your rules", I moved on over to agnosticism. For me the Bible, as other religious texts, are nice stories for people that need someone to give them rules to live by. They make a nice coda to adopt - or cherry-pick from as a person sees fit.

    But for me, thank you but no thank you. I don't need someone else's rules to guide me to be a decent human being - so I don't feel a need for religion or any unseen punishment to live in fear of. I can be a decent person without fear. I can honor and respect other people because I want to, not because the bible says I have to. I plan to live my life according to my terms and if I get an unpleasant surprise in the afterlife, well, I guess I'll be sad about that.

    The initial phrase you caught - something about whether other people acknowledge God or not, him being present in their marriage - struck me a bit wrong as well. I still can't pinpoint exactly what it was, but it did hit me odd. Almost like someone was re-writing my wedding vows in their head to include God even as I was saying them differently. As if the vow I actually said was somehow less important than the one they construed for me. Pushing God onto me rather than listening to the commitment I was ACTUALLY making. I really don't know how to respond to that. But I do frequently wonder for those that insist God is in a marriage, where do they believe he is a divorce?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'll also add that the sentence about minds being closed so tightly was interesting also - I took it as just the Firewife is generally uncomfortable with anyone being so strictly closed-minded about anything. But then I know there are people who won't read past my disclaimer in my last comment just because of that disclaimer - and that makes me sad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My initial response was "Why?" and I think you know what I mean. You can lead a horse to water and all that jazz.

    I think we have similar POV's when it comes to religion so while what you wrote was great, you were preaching to the choir.

    I really enjoyed reading the responses. Once again I am reminded how easily people confuse the original intent of spirituality with our current system of organized religion. I'd discuss it further but at this point it's like beating your head against a brick wall.

    Also, I fell on blogluv with Nota. She was able to precisely pinpoint the way I feel in regards to religion and the way I wish I could express my views on the subject.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jene, thank you for posting this and being willing to take on a hard topic. Disclaimer: I'm an agnostic.

    Once upon a time I was atheistic, but once I discovered there was a category for "I don't know wtf happens after I die, and I'll entertain the idea that you're right as much as anyone might be, but I don't intend to change my life to suit your rules", I moved on over to agnosticism. For me the Bible, as other religious texts, are nice stories for people that need someone to give them rules to live by. They make a nice coda to adopt - or cherry-pick from as a person sees fit.

    But for me, thank you but no thank you. I don't need someone else's rules to guide me to be a decent human being - so I don't feel a need for religion or any unseen punishment to live in fear of. I can be a decent person without fear. I can honor and respect other people because I want to, not because the bible says I have to. I plan to live my life according to my terms and if I get an unpleasant surprise in the afterlife, well, I guess I'll be sad about that.

    The initial phrase you caught - something about whether other people acknowledge God or not, him being present in their marriage - struck me a bit wrong as well. I still can't pinpoint exactly what it was, but it did hit me odd. Almost like someone was re-writing my wedding vows in their head to include God even as I was saying them differently. As if the vow I actually said was somehow less important than the one they construed for me. Pushing God onto me rather than listening to the commitment I was ACTUALLY making. I really don't know how to respond to that. But I do frequently wonder for those that insist God is in a marriage, where do they believe he is a divorce?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm not a staunch religious person; I do not attend church currently though I have off and on over the years. I do believe in God, though it is MY perception of God seen through my experiences and life -- not doctrine the church preaches. I think religions are sometimes exclusionary and negative, and that it is used as a weapon against others. It can also be a great comfort in times of despair and need.

    Everyone gets to choose their path, their beliefs and their faith. That said, I do not believe it is necessary for ANY of us to judge or call names because we don't believe what others do. I believe science can co-exist with faith. I do not believe it is necessary to remove all forms of faith (angels or the Cross) from public venues because it might "offend" someone. Tolerance goes both ways. I am tolerant that you think God does not exist. You are tolerant that I think He does.

    I wish, so very much, that everyone could live and let live. I don't understand why nativity scenes make people angry. I don't understand why wishing someone a Merry Christmas is bad. I have friends of various religions, and friends who are agnostic and atheists, and that is a good thing -- because I think we are all closer in our core beliefs than any of us might know. We all want good ice cream, sunny days, happy lives and love. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was raised as a Southern Baptist, my husband raised Methodist, and at this point in our lives, I'm an Atheist and he's a Pantheist.

    I've had Christians - including a preacher - tell me that I'm a sinner, I'm going to hell, that my child (Calloway) is an abomination, that I've ruined his life because he'll one day look at our wedding photos and realize that I was pregnant. Since we were planning our wedding when I got pregnant, I'm not sure how that makes sense, but it's pretty difficult to reason with someone so stuck in their beliefs. I live in a town that's a mile long and has FIVE (!!) churches. One is across the street from my house. There's a Methodist church, a Southern Baptist church, a non-denom Christian church, a fire & brimstone Christian church, and a Hispanic guy turned an old gas station into a ... Christian church.

    Being religious/spiritual doesn't bother me. I think that a lot of people need the reassurance that there's life beyond death to make it through THIS life. But I can't respect a person that falls back to religion to cover their own bigotry. If a person is going to live by the Bible, then they need to live by the Bible, not just the parts that they like. That includes observing the Sabbath - how many people work on the weekends to put food on their family's table and call themselves Christians? What about showing love, compassion, kindness? And even though they're far out in left field - the Westboro Baptist Church morons with their 'God Hates Fags' signs and funeral protests ... they call themselves Christians, too. And they believe in what they do - which is fine, freedom of speech & all - but they're doing it under the banner of religion. It's SICK.

    I think I went off on a tangent.

    But yeah. Religion is not for me. It's not for everyone. But those of us that don't subscribe to a particular set of religious practices deserve just as much respect as those that do. I will teach my children to be kind and compassionate without the help of religious text. I don't need a book, or a man standing in a pulpit, to tell me how to live my life or raise my children.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails