On Religion, Again, Sooner than I Expected (edited for clarity)

This post started off as a comment in response to a post on FireWife's blog. I thought about it and thought about it and then started writing. I initially wrote it as a direct response to her post, but then I kept thinking and I kept writing and then it was too long to be a blog comment and I decided that it deserved a post of its own. It's been a long time since I've written about religion, and it's top of mind right now with my new reading material, so here we go.

First, I suggest you go and read the post that inspired my rambling. It's important background. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Back now? Ok. This was the sticker that inspired her post.



FireWife says that she felt that this sticker was disrespectful. I'm not going to say that her feelings are invalid, because they're not. We're all entitled to feel disrespected or slighted or sad or upset by whatever we want. And yes, maybe the word "stupid" was taking it too far.

However, FireWife and I have gone round the block a few times about religion and marriage and gay marriage and a whole host of other topics. The most recent topic was about the role of god in a marriage. I believe that legal/social marriage and religious marriage are two different things. You can have one without the other. FireWife disagrees, and that's ok.

"I think, generally speaking, that especially marriage & family are very personal things, and what you do is what you do, and I don't believe that it is my place to challenge anyone's marital or familial status. Period. I do believe that marriage is between husband and wife and God. Whether you acknowledge Him or not."

I'm actually on board with what she's saying, until she gets to the part where she says "...marriage is between husband and wife and God. Whether you acknowledge Him or not." Where is the allowance for my belief that there is no god in this statement? Where is the allowance for people who believe in a different god, or many gods? How is that sticker any more disrespectful to the religious among us than your claim is to the non-religious? I personally find it disrespectful that people insist on inserting their god into everyone’s life, regardless of their belief system.

(Edit: I don't mean that I'm offended by the general prevalence of christianity in our everyday world. I'm not offended by nativity scenes, I'm not offended by "merry christmas" greetings, I'm not offended by people professing their faith. I'm not even offended by the "in god we trust" text on our monies. What does bother me is when people take the approach that I'm just being silly and misguided, that "of course" there's a god, and I just don't know it yet. The idea that I'll "come around to their perspective" at some point. In my eyes, that's being disrespectful of my own beliefs. I hope that clarifies my thinking on the subject.)

Firewife also mentions in her post that

"it's troubling because someone whose mind is that closed to the possibility of a higher power, well... it's just frustrating to see anyone's mind closed that tightly."

That's where I have to say that as a non-believer, heck, as a social liberal, religious (non-)belief aside, it's frustrating to see people's minds closed tightly to women's rights issues or gay rights issues and other social issues like that because a religion tells them that a certain behavior or way of life is wrong. The agnostics and atheists I know are some of the most intelligent and socially-conscious people I've ever met, I'm sure in part because they aren't limited to a particular view on things because of their religious mythology.

That's all fine and good that you know there's a god. Good for you, and good for everyone else who believes in a god. However, my own personal knowledge tells me that there is no god. I'm not one to argue this point with people. We're all entitled to our own beliefs (or lack thereof), and who am I to say that my belief is better than yours? That's part of what makes America "special," we're all free to believe (or disbelieve) as we see fit. I would never try to talk someone out of their religious beliefs or try to show them that it’s better for them not to believe in god. Unfortunately, in our society non-believers are rarely afforded the same respect.

Telling a believer that you don't believe in god is not the same as someone trying to tell you that a physical person doesn’t exist. The scientific method can tell us that the person does. Simple observational methods and reasoning can tell us that yes, that person exists. They are a living and breathing being. Science can’t prove that god does (or does not!) exist. That’s where faith comes in. If you have faith that there is a god, I'm happy for you. I’m happy for you that you have faith that your god exists and that your god is always present and that your god guides your life. However, I don’t share your faith. People of other faiths don’t share your faith. Who is anyone to say that their god is the only one true god and that everyone else is wrong?

If you believe that god exists, I don’t think you’re crazy for your faith and beliefs. If you’re crazy, then so is 90+% of the rest of the world, including family and friends who are very dear to me. Religion and gods serve a very important purpose in society. They always have, even before the dawn of Christianity. They always will, because people always need a community, they always need a belief structure, they always need security, they always need to have a way to explain the natural world around us. Religion can provide you with all of that.

But for some of us, we’re ok without that fancy stuff. We’re cool with scientific explanations and the idea that the natural world is just simple matter, explainable and quantifiable by experiments and logic. I’m the first person to admit that I wish I could give my son the neatly-wrapped package that is Heaven when he starts asking questions about death and dying. It would certainly be more comforting than to tell him “I don’t know what happens when we die.” The idea that our loved ones are peeking out from behind a cloud and that one day we’ll be reunited is tempting, for sure. But I know that I don’t really believe that, so I won’t perpetuate the myth – what I see as a very nice story.

I'm always interested in open and honest discussions about the topic, so long as you don't try to change my mind. I promise that I won't try to change yours.