I've written about weight and body issues before, and it's somewhat of an ongoing issue for me. A recent comment on a mommy message board I frequent regarding the silliness of people complaining about gaining weight while pregnant really bothered me and I wanted to make some thoughts clear on the subject.
It is NEVER ok to say that someone has no right to complain about feeling fat, no matter how skinny they are or how stupid you think they are for complaining about it. While it's true that when I got pregnant I probably weighed less than a large percentage of the population, that doesn't mean that adding on those extra 25-30 pounds didn't have a psychological effect on me. It's an emotional enough time with the hormonal changes, and the physical changes are just the icing on the cake. I think that anyone, regardless of starting weight, is prone to a little bit of mental distress when the numbers start flipping past you. If someone had told me to my face that I had no room to complain about feeling fat and blobby because I just wasn't "that big" I would have shoved my foot up their ass.
Even when it comes to non-pregnant women, it's not your business to tell someone that they aren't allowed to feel fat because they don't meet your definition of the word. We all have our struggles, and you don't know where that person has been - maybe they've struggled with maintaining a healthy weight, maybe they've lost a ton of weight and are afraid of gaining it back, maybe they've managed eating disorders or body image issues and are struggling to find a good place. Or maybe they're just feeling bloated and crappy for some other random reason, like the arrival of their monthly visitor. Either way, no one has the right to invalidate someone's feelings like that. The way we feel about ourselves isn't always rational, and it isn't fair to act as if it is.
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ReplyDeletePreach it sista!
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that everyone has a right to feel whatever they feel. Even if we think it's irrational. It's how they FEEL. And no one should ever tell you that's wrong.
Now if someone who was a healthy weight truly THOUGHT they were fat, there might be room for a talk about how they are viewing their body image, to make sure they're not struggling with a type of body dysmorphic disorder or something, out of concern for the person's well-being.
But anyone can have fat days, where they just feel bloated & icky & fat, or are concerned about the seeminly skyrocketing pounds of pregnancy, and that is perfectly legitimate.
Heck, I have "skinny days", and most of the world would never consider me "skinny", LOL.
How you FEEL is how you FEEL, and no one should challenge that.
I think maybe her comment came out of frustration. I'm not the OP, so obviously, I really have no idea what her true intentions or thoughts were.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from someone who has struggled with their weight their entire lives, yes it gets frustrating when people who visibly are thin are complaining about being/looking/feeling fat. It gets old, fast. But then again, maybe they have an eating disorder. Maybe they've struggled with their weight their entire lives. Maybe they used to be fat and lost a bunch of weight. Unless you know them personally and have known them their lives, you can't really say that they don't have a right to complain about being/looking/feeling fat.
And yes, I personally do get annoyed when people on the non-mommy boards complain about being fat. It is annoying when you're struggling to lose a massive quantity of weight and they visibly look like they have 5 pounds to lose. But I can't judge them and tell them not to complain. I don't know them.And I would never tell them they have no right to complain because I don't know where they are in their lives.
And like I said before, I'm not the OP. But I get that she's probably frustrated.I know I am. We're having TTTC and I know its due to my extra weight and its super frustrating. Especially seeing everyone around you get BFPs and watching as people I went to high school with get married and then a month later they're pregnant when you've been struggling for years, yet insurance won't cover IF treatments and you can't afford them so the only real solution is to try to get the weight off and see if that helps. And then you start losing weight and essentially are thrown off the wagon when tragedy happens. Then you get back on the wagon and you find out that your husband is losing his job of 6 years and you only work part time. So you fall off the wagon once again, but you see all these BFPs around you, and its killing you. And then you hear friends talk about having TTTC for two months, four months, etc. when you've been trying since 2006 with no success and it gets frustrating. But just like I would never say anything to someone who is complaining about their weight, I would never tell someone going through IF to stop complaining because a struggle is a struggle.
And wow! I feel better! Lol!
Well Said!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this actually. I asked a FB friend about her weight loss tips and my response. "OK Skinny Minnie" I will say it hurt my feelings, yes I realize when you look at me you do not think that I need to lose weight. But to feel happy about my body image I'd like to lose 10 lbs and since having the baby it has been a constant struggle, I think about it often and feel horrible that I haven't lost it yet. I saw pictures of another friend that had a baby in October via c-section wearing a bikini on the beach and she looked amazing, it made me feel even worse. Here I am 15 months out and still have 10 lbs to lose, my belly is flabby and there she is all skinny, looking hot in a bikini. I felt like crap after seeing those.
I think maybe her comment came out of frustration. I'm not the OP, so obviously, I really have no idea what her true intentions or thoughts were.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from someone who has struggled with their weight their entire lives, yes it gets frustrating when people who visibly are thin are complaining about being/looking/feeling fat. It gets old, fast. But then again, maybe they have an eating disorder. Maybe they've struggled with their weight their entire lives. Maybe they used to be fat and lost a bunch of weight. Unless you know them personally and have known them their lives, you can't really say that they don't have a right to complain about being/looking/feeling fat.
And yes, I personally do get annoyed when people on the non-mommy boards complain about being fat. It is annoying when you're struggling to lose a massive quantity of weight and they visibly look like they have 5 pounds to lose. But I can't judge them and tell them not to complain. I don't know them.And I would never tell them they have no right to complain because I don't know where they are in their lives.
And like I said before, I'm not the OP. But I get that she's probably frustrated.I know I am. We're having TTTC and I know its due to my extra weight and its super frustrating. Especially seeing everyone around you get BFPs and watching as people I went to high school with get married and then a month later they're pregnant when you've been struggling for years, yet insurance won't cover IF treatments and you can't afford them so the only real solution is to try to get the weight off and see if that helps. And then you start losing weight and essentially are thrown off the wagon when tragedy happens. Then you get back on the wagon and you find out that your husband is losing his job of 6 years and you only work part time. So you fall off the wagon once again, but you see all these BFPs around you, and its killing you. And then you hear friends talk about having TTTC for two months, four months, etc. when you've been trying since 2006 with no success and it gets frustrating. But just like I would never say anything to someone who is complaining about their weight, I would never tell someone going through IF to stop complaining because a struggle is a struggle.
And wow! I feel better! Lol!