I Have Issues

Four of my BGs are repelling because of diaper cream. I was awake most of last night totally beating myself up over not being more specific in my instructions to use liners when you use diaper cream. C is pretty confident that he can fix it with his CO2 gun or some other solvent, but I'm still so irritated with myself about the whole thing. Those aren't the cheapest option, and I need them to last through potty training.

This is the issue with anxiety. I know that I was (am!) being irrational. I knew it in the moment, even as I sat in bed unable to fall asleep and wishing I could go back in time and not leave the diaper cream. It's just a few freaking diapers! There are obviously many more important things to worry about. I hate feeling this way about trivial things. I can't make simple decisions.

I needed to buy new detergent a few weeks ago and I literally stood in the aisle for more than 10 minutes, completely unable to make a decision about what brand/type to buy. I read label after label, debating the costs/benefits of each one. Do I want the one with plant enzymes? What if Baby C is one of the babies who has a reaction to enzymes? We'd have to buy a new bottle and strip his diapers. Do I buy Tide? I hate to buy that brand because it's animal tested and full of junk. Do I stick with the Charlie's Soap that we have at home? Even if C suspects that it's the reason some of our clothes have water spots?

I can't even decide what to buy for lunch when we're grocery shopping. Do I want sandwiches? Soup? Baked potatoes? I change my mind a million times and frustrate C and myself throughout the process.

Which apples should I get for my thanksgiving pie? Do I get the Jonagold apples? They're more expensive, but I know they're sweet and good for baking. Do I get the Golden Delicious? They're much cheaper, but I've never baked with them. I ended up bagging 3 pounds of Jonagold apples, then changing my mind 10 minutes later and going back to get Golden Delicious instead.

When it comes to the big things, like caring for Baby C, I have no problem knowing exactly what I think the best course of action is. So why with the most mundane decisions of all? I'm rather tired of it.

We need to buy some clothes, and I'm dreading it. Clothes shopping is the worst. C said he's going to get me a zoloft prescription before we go. I'm not sure if he was joking or not.