We met another couple for dinner on Saturday night. The wife (K) was one of my BFFs in high school - we lost touch for most of our college years and then managed to reconnect through the magic of the interwebs. They don't have kids, yet, but hope to soon.
Anyway, K and I belong to a book club with four other women. None of them have kids, either, but another one of them also hopes to have them soon. The topic of discussion often turns to babies/kids/motherhood, and I guess I've become the resident discussion leader for all things mommy. K works with three of these women, and she said that one of them marveled over the fact that I'm a mom, but I'm still a person, too, and how great it was that I'm able to do that.
I had to stop and think about what she said for a minute. I'm a mom and a person at the same time. Is that really so unusual? She said that most of her friends who have had kids pretty much dropped off the face of the earth - they stopped hanging out with their kid-free friends and stopped making personal time for themselves.
I'll admit, it is more difficult now to spend time with our kid-free friends. We can't do things spur of the moment like we used to, unless it's an impromptu get-together at our house, which still occurs pretty often. It's easier for us to stay home and play host, since that doesn't require the added complication and cost of a babysitter. I wonder if they get annoyed with almost always coming to our house. We still manage to have a good time, even if my wine intake is now limited to one glass - I guess that was one of the lasting side-effects of pregnancy for me. Zero tolerance for alcohol. I think it's still important to maintain some kind of adult life, and I think it's important to maintain friendships with our kid-free peeps.
I'm Charlie's mom, and I love being Charlie's mom. It's the best thing ever. But I'm still me. Having a child changed my life forever, and changed certain aspects of my viewpoint, but I'm still the same person. I'm probably even a better person, as I've learned to be more patient and to appreciate the simple things in life. Maybe someday soon I'll also learn not to drop so many F-bombs.
beautiful post, jene!!
ReplyDeletei recently read an article on the roles that are written for women in dramatic literature...often their titles are only in relation to the male characters. the sister, the mother, the wife, etc. they don't necessarily get to be their own characters. unfortunately, i think there's evidence of that in reality as well as onstage. good to know you're making a positive impression on your friends and others.
for the record, i don't mind constantly going over rosa and jose's house. i know taking the baby out or hiring a sitter is a hassle, and i'm always happy to make the trip over. but also, they have rock band...
:D
I've only really gotten to know you since you've been Charlie's mom but to me you still ooze Jene-ness. You rock!
ReplyDeleteAgreed!!! And I REALLY need to stop dropping so many F bombs : )
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Love it.
ReplyDeleteWait til you're in traffic and he looks around and says "Effing cars...effing traffic" (but uses the actual word!!)
You're right though. Every Mom, person, woman, man, child needs me time. Even if it's just being able to go to the bathroom alone (that almost never happens to me). Alone time is the saving grace.