37 Weeks - Winter Melon

Never tried it. More important than fruit commentary, is that I'm now officially full term! Of course, that means jack shit in terms of baby arrival. I remember how excited I was to hit 37 weeks with Charlie because ZOMFG! He could come at ANY TIME! And then the days kept ticking by and my due date came and went and wow, did that suck. So let's just say I have four weeks left, mkay?

 

 

How far along: 37 weeks.

Total weight gain: Same as last week, 28. Maybe I've plateaued? I visited a friend of mine yesterday to pick up some baby gear she's loaning us and she shared some cupcakes. I ate one in the pleasure of her company and then took the other one home with me "for later." Yeah, it was gone before I was even on the highway. Do you know how hard it is to eat a cupcake and drive a stick? Not as hard as NOT eating the cupcake!

Sleep: The anxiety over the breechness is making sleep nearly impossible.

Exercise: It's getting harder to motivate myself to get out of bed before 5 to get in my cardio workouts. I had a great 10 mile run on Saturday, though, so I'm really excited about the Pig again! At the minimum, I'll be able to walk the half. I'm still hoping for the full. It all depends on how things go this week.

Movement: I wish I wasn't so bad at figuring out what's poking me where. I have absolutely no idea whether any of my spinning babies attempts are working. More on those later!

Food cravings: Everything gives me heartburn.

Happy or moody most of the time: Easily irritated. Don't like talking to people.

Looking forward to: Finally finished sewing the diapers back together. I panicked yesterday because we have nothing on the walls of her room, so I'm printing out some of my favorite female book characters to frame. Still no fabric for the sling.

Let's get this show on the road!

The View From Down Here

They confirmed that Baby Girl is still breech at my 36 week appointment yesterday. That's not good. The soonest they could get me in to attempt an external version is next Thursday. Thankfully, the head OB at the practice I switched to halfway through my pregnancy is a local celebrity as far as spinning babies goes.

In the meantime, I'll step it up on the flipping techniques I've been doing every so often, including moving to the full inversion, which for me involves hooking my legs over the back of the couch and hanging upside down off the side. Too bad we cheaped out and bought an IKEA ironing board, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't support my weight.

I'm really stressing out about this, so please cross your fingers that she spins for us in the next few days! I really don't want to have a c-section. The OB I'm with is also a local celebrity for breech deliveries, so that option is also on the table.

Hump Day Bump Day!

Last week one of the ladies in my office insisted on lining up the pregnant women for belly shots. So no bathroom selfie this week!

 

 

 

I feel like a whale, but I had a stranger tell me how cute I was on my Saturday run and then someone else comment on my "tiny belly" in the elevator on Monday, so maybe it's just in my head.

Except the largeness of my ass and thighs. That shit is real, yo.

36 Weeks - Honeydew

Is this the green one?

 

 

How far along: 36 weeks. And time is standing still.

Total weight gain: 28

Sleep: It's actually been better, comfort-wise. Still a pain (literally) to switch sides in the middle of the night, but at least the hour in between each position change is somewhat restful.

Exercise: Still moving. Nothing new.

Movement: I'm afraid that she's flipped again, since all of the hiccups are at the top of my belly. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Food cravings: Hot Buffalo Wing Pretzel Pieces. Yum!

Happy or moody most of the time: Easily irritated. Don't like talking to people.

Looking forward to: Still haven't made progress on finishing the diapers. Still haven't bought fabric for the sling. NOT looking forward to my Group B test at my appointment tomorrow. Talk about being violated.

2.6 for Boston

Tonight, running groups all over the country did 2.6 mile runs and walks in honor of Boston. Of course, I dragged the family out to the one in our area. They were somewhat reluctant - husband because of his bad knee and kid because there were no medals involved, but they indulged my craziness and didn't complain too much :)

There were so many people out for the fund raiser! It's nice to be able to do something from so far away, even if it's so tiny. There were over 100 runs that took place tonight, and that's pretty amazing. I love the running community!

Here's a not-the-best picture of me and the kid. He actually made it most of the route, husband only had to piggy back him a few times.

 

 

 

Anxiety, Again

When I originally started my blog, the intent was to keep my out of town friends and family posted on pregnancy updates. There are a lot of them, and phone calls would have had me occupied for hours. It was just the easiest way to keep everyone in the loop. Since then, they've pretty much all stopped reading, and it's become somewhere that I can speak more candidly about life. I wish that I had started doing that last time, so that I could go back and read and remember exactly when things happened and what it was like.

For example, I know that there was a point late in my last pregnancy when the anxiety started to get really overwhelming. It had been slowly getting worse, but there was a tipping point when I went through multiple sleepless nights worrying about whether the screening tests had missed a genetic disorder and then questioning whether he would have all of his arms, hands, legs, and feet, because  I couldn't remember seeing them on the ultrasound. That was when I decided to ask for medication. Because I wasn't being fully honest with my reading audience, I don't remember exactly what that point was. I do, however, remember that it was right before my Cincinnati baby shower because the initial dosage was too high and made me nauseous and I was worried about feeling sick all day. So it was week 34 last time. Which is fascinating to me, because it's really starting to become a problem again, and I just entered week 35.

After waffling and consulting trusted friends and other resources, I decided to go ahead and sign up for the Pig yesterday. I was so excited and happy that I had finally made the choice to go ahead and give it a shot. That was during the day. Once the sun went down, and I was in bed and alone with my thoughts, it was a whole other story. What if I ran the marathon and somehow damaged my baby? What if I ended up with something worse than a damaged baby - no baby at all? Even though all of my OBs and midwives have given me the go ahead to cover 26.2 miles (and no, I have no plans to "run" all of them), thanks to the OCD I just keep conjuring up worst case scenarios. So now this morning I'm back where I started - should I do it? Should I just do the half, instead? What if something horrible happens? I know I'd never forgive myself.

But then I keep thinking - what if I didn't have OCD? Would this even be a question? Would I be worried about all of the things that could possibly go wrong? Or would I just be excited to cover the race course and get a giant medal at the end? What would a "normal" person think about the situation?

I'm not a dumb runner, I know that I'm good at listening to my body and backing off when I have to. I know that I wouldn't push myself past my pregnant limits. But what if, what if, what if?

So I think that at my 36 appointment next week I'm going to ask about getting back on anxiety medication. I can't keep sitting up all night thinking about awful outcomes. It was a good decision last time, so maybe I need to learn from that experience and take the help that's available.

So, Boston Happened

Like hundreds of thousands of other runners, I listened to the live stream from the Boston Marathon all morning yesterday. The timing was such that I was able to watch the elite runners finish while I was eating lunch. I spent some time talking to one of my co-marathoners in the office, and his excitement about his attempt to qualify for next year's Boston Marathon in this year's Flying Pig. I told him that I hoped to post a qualifying time sometime in 2014 so that I could run Boston in 2015. Of course, we both wished that we had run faster last year, trained harder, started earlier, been a little bit better, so that we would be running through the streets of Boston yesterday morning instead of talking about how amazing the experience would be over stale coffee in our office lunchroom.

After the big finish, I went about my day. Until someone texted me with the news - that there had been explosions at the finish line and that it seemed like they were intentionally placed. Um, what? Another terrorist attack? At a marathon? And not just any marathon, but the biggest national marathon stage that any runner could ever aspire to be on. Today it seems that the death toll was thankfully low, though any loss of life in such a senseless act of violence is an absolute tragedy. In addition to the three who were killed, there were over a hundred more who were seriously injured. Hurt while either doing what they love, or while supporting loved ones who had worked so hard to make it to that finish line. And we aren't talking about the elite athletes, either - by that time it was the everyday runners - the people who are a little bit faster than the rest of the pack, but not so fast that they'll ever be given a major award. That and the charity runners, those who earned their spot in the pack by raising tens of thousands of dollars for cancer research, or heart disease, or any other incredibly worthy cause. Scary to think that it could have been me, or could have been any of the local running group people that I'm connected with (our entire local contingent made it out unharmed). So because there was nothing else that I could do, I dragged myself out of bed this morning when I really just wanted to hit the snooze button again and again, to go for a short run before work. Because so many of those people will never be able to do that again.

Marathons, more than any other event I've covered in 20 years' worth of international sports experience, are a celebration of a range of achievement, not just the top percentile. The amateurs run in the footsteps of the elite. The pride is palpable from the front ranks all the way to the back. The massed color and movement at the start are an impressionist painting of accomplishment. Because -- honestly -- most normal folks would tell you that getting there is achievement enough. The training they invest and the self-belief they develop in the process are worth it, no matter how long it takes them to finish.

Beyond that, the Boston Marathon is a collective civic experience, a holiday with more than a century of history. Planting lethal bombs at any point on the course would have been a horrible, criminal act. The symbolism of planting them at the finish line, where so many have lifted their arms in exultation, is unbearable. (Bonnie Ford, ESPN)

 

 

 

35 Weeks - Coconut

You know what is one of the biggest food-related disappointments, ever? Coconut water. Wouldn't you think it would be tasty and refreshing? Not so much.

 

 

How far along: 35 weeks. I'm getting huge. A whole patch on my belly is completely numb, I'm assuming it's where the skin is stretching. This didn't happen last time. According to The Bump, she won't be getting any longer but will be getting bigger, so I guess that's good in terms of how my skin will fare.

Total weight gain: 27. Should hit that magic 3-digit scale number sometime this week.

Sleep: Nope. I hate sleeping on my sides. One of the things I'm most looking forward to is sleeping on my back again. Plus, husband had a man-cold, so he's been sniffly and snore-y and coughy and up almost as many times during the night as I am.

Exercise: Glad that I kept on keeping on, because I had a great 16 miles on Saturday. Only stopped to pee three times. I'm excited about the Pig again! Going to give it a shot, the worst that happens is I'm not feeling it that morning and I drop to the half.

Movement: Bigger, more defined, and more painful. But it's funny, and I'm trying to enjoy it since this is my last pregnancy, ever.

Food cravings: I had some Dogfish Hopricot last weekend and now it's all I can think about.

Happy or moody most of the time: Already annoyed with all of the "how much longer?" and "are you uncomfortable?" inquiries.

Looking forward to: Need to finish up the diapers. I got the laundry tabs sewn into all of them but only one set of Velcro on. Husband put the ceiling fan up last night, so all that's left is organization of clothes and diaper washing. And making that damn ring sling.

Monday Monday

One of the worst parts of pregnancy is the complete inability to find a comfortable position in bed. However, the tossing and turning and constant waking up and repositioning also makes it really convenient when I want to get up early to get a workout in. I usually reserve the super early morning sessions for running, but this morning I decided to go ahead and get my quick weight session over and done with. My legs will thank me on my run tomorrow morning. 24 hours of rest between squats and run is a much better way to go than 9 hours of rest.

 

This quick workout has mostly replaced my lower body lifting days, since the squat bar was getting to be too much to handle and the bump was getting in the way of my deadlifts.

 

goblet squats - 5 sets of 20, 25# KB

50 kettlebell swings, 25# KB

calf raises - 3 sets of 20, 25# KB

tricep extensions - 3 sets of 15, 20# KB

lots and lots of stretching

 

 

 

 

I also celebrated Monday with a special breakfast. Nutella Stuffed Cinnamon Sugar Muffins. You don't even know how jealous you should be.

 

16 Miles

I made it! It wasn't bad, i could definitely do another 10. The time it took me to do 16 is sadly close to my full marathon time from last spring :)

Feeling Hopeful!

I had another decent run this morning. Granted, it was only 4 miles, but considering I didn't make it that far on Saturday, I think that's a good sign. It was more humid than I would have liked it to be, but the wind was picking up in advance of the rain, so it was pleasant. I love running on spring mornings.

I also saw my neighbor ladies walking their dogs. You know, the ones who haven't spoken a word to me since their candidate lost the presidential election? I guess the warmer weather and lighter skies have melted their cold and bitter hearts, because I actually got a "good morning" from them.

Giving 16 miles another try this weekend, and I'm looking forward to it.

34 Weeks - Butternut Squash

Charlie gets stars on his star chart for trying new foods. He's been hung up on trying squash for a while now, maybe we should try to incorporate that into our weekly menu.

Yes, I'm late this week.  Yesterday it was 80+ degrees out, so I went to the park instead of writing a blog post. Sue me.

 

 

How far along: 34 weeks. Not far enough. I'm impatient and anxious and uncomfortable. Moreso than last time, I think. I know that I'm bigger than I was with Charlie because at my Monday appointment they said that she was "measuring right on track," and that's not something I'd ever been told with Charlie - that belly was always a few weeks behind. I hope that doesn't mean I'm going to have a huge baby. According to The Bump, baby can now recognize songs that I sing and might be soothed by them when she's on the outside. This was actually true with Charlie, and his favorite song was "In My Life" by The Beatles. Guess maybe I should switch to something other than 99 Problems?

Total weight gain: I think it's 27. I guess I'm keeping pace with that "pound a week" thing.

Sleep: I actually had two decent nights of sleep. Then we skipped right from winter to summer and it's really freaking hot in my room.

Exercise: I had a horrible run on Saturday. HORRIBLE. As in, I quit 2.5 miles in. I've never done that before. Thankfully, I had a good run yesterday morning, so I haven't given up completely. Giving it one last shot this weekend before I throw in the towel and drop to the Half Pig.

Movement: Regularly. Both Charlies get freaked out by watching it, which I think is hilarious. The younger Charlie always wants to hug his sister and feel her feet, but he wasn't a fan of the hiccups. He also enjoys it when I put things on my belly and she kicks them off.

Food cravings: Pizza and beer.

Happy or moody most of the time: Both. Because I said so.

Looking forward to: Managed to get all of the Velcro tabs off the old diapers. Holy hell was that a pain in the ass. Still trying to convince the husband that I really don't need to be driving to visit out-of-town family and sleep on an air mattress at 35 weeks pregnant. If he sees the light, I plan to sew on the new Velcro tabs and make my ring sling this weekend.

Hump Day Bump Day

As much as I have the best intentions of getting a "real" picture taken, I'm still left with nothing but bathroom selfies. I don't think I've EVER worn a pink shirt.

 

 

Also, why do pretty much all maternity shirts have those annoying elastic-y sleeves? I feel like they make my arms look like sausages. So unflattering.

 

PS. I've decided that Wednesdays will be my "eat whatever I want for lunch" days for the next 7 (8?) weeks. Today, I present to you the Nutella Milkshake. With strawberries, for health. But seriously, it's skim milk and nonfat froyo, so it's not as bad as it sounds. Be jealous.

 

 



33 Weeks - Durian Fruit

Durian Fruit?

 

 

How far along: 33 weeks. I'm ready to be done.

Total weight gain: +/- 26 - I'm starting to wonder how much I would have gained had I not been working out regularly. The thought scares me. I don't feel like I'm eating badly, either. I'm about a week away from a significant psychological scale milestone. I know it's coming, I know it's not a big deal, but I know that I'll still be OMFG! when I see it. Oh well. It doesn't help that I feel huge and I'm trying to figure out where seven more weeks of baby is going to go.

Sleep: Thanks to the creeping anxiety, it's getting worse.

Exercise: Made it 14 miles on Saturday and could have kept going! Backing off the squats with "real weights" for now, since I can't bend my legs even close to parallel anymore. Bringing back the kettlebells, instead.

Movement: I've got feet in my ribs, which is uncomfortable, but I'm happy with that because that means she's head down!

Food cravings: Chocolate. The Easter Candy Clearance was good to me.

Happy or moody most of the time: Both. Because I said so.

Looking forward to: Hoping to carve out some time to be productive this weekend - ordered the replacement Velcro for our BumGenius 3.0 collection and want to get to the fabric store so I can get started on the damn sling.

Hello Panic, My Old Friend

So it's been a while. I tend to shut down from important things when I'm feeling anxious and panicky, which seems to have been a lot, lately. Interestingly, I went back and looked through posts from my last pregnancy and this is about where the wheels started to fall off last time, too. Back then, I turned to chemical assistance in the form of Zoloft, which really helped a lot. 5 years later, Zoloft is no longer considered to be safe in pregnancy, so I don't have that crutch to fall back on.

Since we began exercising regularly, running and yoga and good exercise sessions have really done a lot to help me manage anxiety levels and keep myself sane. Unfortunately, those are the very things that are causing me anxiety right now, including one really awesome panic attack on Saturday. I had a lovely (sloooooooow) 14 mile run that morning, walking 3 minutes and running 3 minutes, (or some kind of slow waddle-jog that I'm pretending is "running," anyway). Somewhere around mile 13 I convinced myself that all of the running I had been doing had surely deprived my baby of much-needed oxygen and that she would therefore be born with some kind of brain damage and serious developmental delay, which would be 100% my fault. As I always do after long runs, I broke out the doppler to make sure that all was well in there, and then proceeded to nearly lose my shit after it took an excruciatingly long full minute to find the best listening spot. I won't even get into the places my brain was going.

So then I spent about an hour consulting Dr. Google (a big no-no, I get that) and getting more and more frustrated that everything in existence talked about "theoretical risks" of fetal hypoxia and decreased blood flow, but that those were just ideas and nothing had been proven by real, legitimate research, which actually continues to show that exercise during pregnancy is beneficial to both mother and baby. Because I couldn't possibly be satisfied by that, I then got to thinking what the authors of said research actually mean by "moderate and moderately strenuous" levels of effort, and worrying about whether what I thought was a perceived 7-8 effort on a scale of 1-10 was just me underestimating how hard I was working and that I was really exercising at a level of 9-10 and just not realizing it (never mind how irrational that is, because pre-pregnancy my speedwork and interval training regularly pushed me well past the 7-8 range and into the 9-10 and it was absolutely unsustainable for long periods of time).

Then I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it (you know, I OBSESSED - because that's what puts the "O" in "OCD.") and eventually worked myself up into a full-blown panic attack complete with crying and sobbing and gasping for breath. And my poor husband and my poor kid were there to see it all spiral down. And my favorite friend R, who consoled me through gchat and eventually helped to talk me down from my ledge, who continues to listen to my anxiety ridden worry-fests and uses her very scientific perspective to help me see that I'm worrying over nothing. Especially since she has an MS in biology and knows a thing or two about how these things work. And my husband, who was still dealing with the remnants from it last night, who helped me to see that if there really was a cause and effect relationship, then surely there would be research that showed it and surely my own OB (plus two others that I visited earlier on the pregnancy) would have said Hell to the No about continuing to run and planning to run a full marathon.

Did this post seem rambly? Because that's about how my brain is working these days. I wish you could take them out to check on their well-being and then put them back in to finish cooking.