You Know You're Pregnant When...

You get dressed in the morning, struggling to pull on the fleece-lined tights that bunch around the ankles and make you look like you have elephant wrinkles but you wear them anyway because it's so cold out that you're past the point of caring, and when you finally get them all the way up you realize that you have your underwear on inside-out and backwards, but it took so long to get the damn tights on that you just pull the skirt on over them and pretend that you didn't see the tag looking up at you from the outside front.

Also, when your shopping cart looks like this.

 

 

In my defense, the cotton candy is for the kid. Technically speaking, anyway.